Burn out -vs- Guilt

As I write this I am sitting home in my sweats. It is a Thursday morning and I really should be at work. I am taking what I like to call a "mental health day." I take them from time to time when I am feeling burnt out. And yet I am feeling guilty. I was raised under the philosophy that it is "work first, play later." While I understand the concept, I have let it overwhelm me.

I work two jobs. My full time job is a Mon - Fri 8:30 AM to 4:30 job. The second one I work on Thurs from 8:30 PM - 3:30 AM and on Sat. from 5:30 PM to 3:30 AM. Many of you might look at that and tell me to stop whining. Be happy to be working. Well, yes, but in between all that I run around for my kids. Mon - Fri.

Mon. I take Bug to religion for an hour, come home and then it is off to scouts till 9 with the boys.

Tues. I take Ty to religion class

Weds. I sit at dance with Bug for two hours

Thurs my older son goes for therapy, so I sit there with him.

Fri Ty has swimming practice till 9 PM

Weekends are filled with things like scouting trips, dance practices, japanese lessons, and a million other things. So relaxation time is something I really don't get a lot of. ......and yet, here I sit feeling guilty about taking a day off for me.

I feel burnt out. I know that all of the constant running and lack of sleep is taking a toll on me. I have high blood pressure and now diabetes. the doctor tells me I need to take better care of myself. that I need more exercise. Yeah right doc, I will add that into my schedule. I suppose I could always sleep just a little less.

I know there will come a day when my children will grow up and leave my house. My schedule will slow drastically and I will be left with these really big gaps of nothing to do. I just hope I live long enough to see it............