It's not my problem....

Somehow over the years I have turned into the "go to" guy. No matter if I am at work or at home, somehow I became the one that is expected to fix everything for everyone else. I am flattered that others believe in me but, I have reached the breaking point. I have learned to say "No" but that is not always acceptable to the other person. Last night was a prime example.

My wife decided to go back to college last year after her business went belly up. I am proud of her for making that choice and succeeding at it. However, whenever she undertakes a new project, she expects everyone else to assist in it. Last night she was once again sitting on the couch dealing with her homework. What always ends up happening is she will reach a point where she gets stuck on something and rather than working to figure it out she will expect others to solve the problem. Typically she will anyone within earshot. And sadly she relies far too much on my oldest son to rush to her rescue with anything computer related. Never mind the fact that it is usally with software he has never used or seen. It is typically a program that she is using for a class and the professor had explained it in her class time. We are expected to be able to figure it all out. If we can't we are subjected to nastiness and a sarcastic "Gee thanks."

Last night was the same scenario. She was asking questions left and right and my son had to keep stopping what he was doing and try and explain for the 100th time how to import and export files. At one point she actually asked him to get up and cross the living room so that he could put paper in a printer that was at her feet. That had me annoyed but I kept my mouth shut.

A little while later she came to me with some sort of project she has been working on. She was unable to use a hole punch to make two perfect round holes because it would not reach far enough. Rather than ask me if I had any ideas she could try, she handed it to me and said, "I can't do this. I need you to make two round holes." I resented that. Once again her problem suddenly became mine. It is not my project. I didn't choose to do it. So yes I was annoyed and made it obvious. Well, that just pissed her off. I was treated to hearing about how I never want to help her and I don't support her. I didn't refuse to help. In fact I stopped what I was doing and got up to do it. Yes I grumbled but, I happen to think I was entitled to being upset. This escalated into a major battle.

She had gone upstairs which was fine but then came back down. SHe wanted to talk. Her idea of talking involves me listening and then her stomping off when it is my turn to talk. I was still mad and didnt want to talk at that moment. I really try not to talk when I am mad. I end up saying things I later regret and it solves nothing. When I was in therapy, I learned that I should just explain that I need time. I tried it and was met with a lovely sarcastic "So you just want to sweep it under the rug!" That is not what I was attempting to do at all. I just wanted time to cool off. Well, it turned into push push push until Tom cant take anymore. We ended up in a major argument. Complete with yelling and screaming and as an added bonus, major chest pains for me. To the point where I was doubled over.

My son heard me as I went into the bathroom and hit my knees. He came down to make sure I was ok. I knew it was just muscular but was in too much pain to talk. I could hear my wife saying, "He is fine" but my son wasnt so sure and demanded to be able to check on me. I was able to let him know that I was not having a heart attack but I felt even worse that he was scared.

This morning I over slept. So did my son. After last night I decided to stay home. I offered to let him do the same. He didnt want to but then he realized his backpack with his books was in his mother's car and she had left for work. So he stayed home too. We went for coffee and just sat and talked. I wanted to alleviate his stress over last night. I know he sees what is happening and sadly I am not the only one that resents having everyone else dumping their crap on them. He actually said to me, "Dad, she just pushes and pushes at you." I don't like that he sees it. I know it has taken a toll on him. I just don't know how to fix it. I hate that he is losing his relationship with his mom but, that is not my problem. My problem is it is also pushing him away from this house which pushes him away from me........

I like to torment my GPS

I have GPS on my cell phone. I always use it on long trips, even if I know where I am going. Because it is on my Verizon phone, it has up to the minute traffic reports and it gives me a pretty good idea of how long it is before I will reach my destination. It is pretty accurate too and if I pull into a rest area or off the highway it alwys self corrects and gives me the voice saying, "Recalculating route." Sometimes I do it just for fun. The kids like to hear it get mad at me.

This past weekend I used it on my way back from our camping trip. As I got closer to home I took a different route and of course the GPS made adjustments. My son commented about the female voice almost sounding annoyed at me for making up my own route. Of course I am not about to give into a female telling me what to do, even if she is nothing more than an electronic device. You ladies have your BOB, us guys have our GPS girlfriends. I somehow think your pleasure is better but hey, it's what I've got. So anyway, I made another non-approved detour and again the GPS yelled at me. It reached a point that it was telling me to turn onto streets that I had already passed. I think I may have really pissed her off. Either that or she has blond electrons. Because when I pulled up in front of my house, instead of getting the normal "You have reached your destination" my nagging electronic copilot decided to tell me to "Make the next legal U-turn" (I live on a dead end street so she knew I had to turn around). Of course I wanted to see what she had in mind so I started to scroll through the directions. This is what she was asking me to do: (I am abbreviating street names to thwart the paparazzi).

GPS: Make Next legal U-Turn (Note: we did not actually do this since we had just been driving for 4 hours to get here).

Me: Uhm I am already home here on O Avenue

GPS: Make a right onto O Street and prepare to turn right.

Me: That is the way I just came from.

GPS: Make a right onto L Ave. and proceed .2 miles to H street.

GPS: Make a right onto H Street and prepare to turn right on M Avenue.

Me: Why?

GPS: Make a right onto M Avenue and proceed .3 miles to O Street.

GPS: Make a right onto O Street and prepare to turn right onto O Avenue. Your destination will be on the right.

Me: Yes I am aware of that because I am already here.

My boys and I sat there hysterical laughing. I sure hope she forgets our laughing at her directions or next time she may direct me into a lake. LOL

Sad songs make me.......

Every once in awhile a song from my past comes on the radio and it just takes me back to the emotions I felt at the time I first heard it. I think I will start posting such songs from time to time. Tonight I am at work, just as I always am on Thursday nights. This song came on and I had to pull over and just listen. Ok so yeah, it was cause it is hard to drive with tears in your eyes. When this song fist came out it was at a time where one of my relationships had just ended. I never let on just how sad I was over it all. To this day I don't think she realizes just how I felt. That was in 1984...here I sit 26 years later and I am thinking back......In a few hours I am sure I will be just fine and life will go on. In the meantime I am going to just sit back and enjoy this video the same way I enjoyed it way back then. By playing it over and over and over again. lol

This past weekend the boys and I went camping in CT. We left Friday morning to head to Stevens Institute of Technology in Hoboken NJ. Kevin had an admissions interview. From there we headed up to the CT / RI border for the weekend. It worked out very well that we were using a cabin instead of tents for this trip.

While we were away The north-east was hit with a major storm. It rained for a couple days. We got close to 4 inches. Living on an island means we don't get the same magnitude of flooding that many see on the mainland, but we do have some. Primarily along the coastal areas when the tides are extra high and back up through the storm drains.

The big problem was the wind. We were having gusts of 60 MPH. With all of the rain, the ground was soft. Add those two together and it leads to a lot of downed trees. My last couple days have been spent inspecting damage from the storm. Some very large trees fell on homes. Roofs were ripped off. Awnings were torn from walls of stores. The municipal gazebo collapsed. I even saw a portable carport hanging from the electric and phone wires. Many areas are still without power. Luckily the sun is out today and it is near 60 since no electric also means no heat.

My house sustained some damage. I lost roof shingles. I also had the hood ripped off one of my cars and it hit the sunroom. Fortunately it only dented one of the walls instead of going through it. We never lost power. Compared to many of the houses I have seen, I consider myself lucky.

The area we were camping also got hit pretty bad, but not as bad as what we saw when we got home. So now that the sun has returned, I will be spending tomorrow afternoon up on my roof fixing the mess that Mother Nature decided to leave me with.

Tyler and some friends played Monoply to pass some time.

While Kevin and friends opted for what turned out to be an 8 hour game of Risk

This was the cabin we stayed in

This is the type of destruction I came home to deal with at work.

Well, the do call them "portable!"

It helps to know some people still maintain a sense of humor! LOL

Thought 4 My Thursday

If you put things in your life off until "life slows down",
you better pray that there is life after death...

Random Pic of the Day

What you are looking at is a lamp chain decoration. They used to be really popular on floor lamps and the old ceiling fixtures before light switches became popular.

About a year ago I was inspecting a house. The owner had passed away and her daughter was trying to legalize everything. When I stepped into the house it was like being thrown back in time. Everything was from an era long ago. Including the appliances and cabinetry. When I stepped into one of the back rooms I saw an old lamp in the corner. Hanging from it was the decoration you see in the picture. I suddenly had all sorts of images in my head of being at my grandma's house when I was a kid. She had a floor lamp with this very same pull chain decoration hanging on it.

I could not help but remember things like summer days in grandma's garden. PB&J sandwiches and chocolate milk. Sleeping over her house for days at a time. Playing outside with kids from that area. Looking at pictures of my mom when she was little. Visiting my great-grandmother in her upstairs bedroom where she spent pretty much all of her time. Home made cookies. Sorting pennies for a coin collection that became mine when my grandparents both passed. Reading stories and watching cartoons. Even more than all that, it was time away from my home where my dad drank too much and my mom stressed too much. That combo meant constant fighting.

I did not get into the details with the lady I was meeting at this house. I simply commented on the stop light decoration and how it reminded me of my childhood. I was shocked when she said, "Would you like to have it?" Normally I would refuse but, I just could not let this chance pass. Today it sits hanging from the shelf above my desk in my office. Every time I look at it I can not help but flashback to grandma's house. I do it with a smile and just a hint of sadness that it is only a memory.....

Favorite 4 My Friday - Pay attention Dena

This was the scene last Sunday in Las Vegas. After not finishing in Daytona, Jimmie came back to win race #2 and #3 of the season. I am liking the way NASCAR 2010 is starting. Sorry Dena...lol

N@ked co-workers

Last night I went to bed early. I have been really tired the last few weeks. Maybe the exhaustion will explain the dream I had. I have a coworker I will just call D. In my dream last night D was standing by her desk and as I walked by she looked at me and slowly lifted her shirt to reveal her right breast. Today I am at work and as usual D is at her desk. Only when I have to talk to her I have to force myself to look directly into her eyes. She has noticed something different and asked, but I certainly am not about to tell her.

This is not the first time either. Several years ago I had a dream about another coworker. She was standing totally naked in a bathtub in my basement while a giant pipe poured water and fish into the tub. Don't ask cause I don't understand it either.

I don't spend my days at work fantasizing about these women. They are both attractive but, have never in any way ever said anything suggestive of being interested in me. Nor have I to them. I can not be the only one that has ever had this happen. So my question is, have you ever dreamt about naked coworkers? Or do I need to start going back to therapy?

Letter to my son

My oldest son Kevin is a senior in High School this year. His English class is studying Hamlet. His teacher sent home a letter to the parents asking that we write a letter to our child. One scene in Hamlet involves his father offering him advice before heading out into life. That was the basis of the letters to our children. The teacher is going to present the students with their letters in an upcoming class. What you are about to read is the one I wrote tonight.

Dear Kevin,

Where has the time gone? It seems like yesterday that you were getting on the bus for your very first day of Kindergarten. You entered school with a curiosity and ambition to learn as many things as you possibly could. At the very top of that list was the desire to learn to speak French, Spanish, Italian, German, and Portuguese, and a few other languages. We never doubted you would succeed. Little did we realize just how well you would do it though. On top of bringing home consistently excellent grades, you have met your goal, albeit slightly modified. You have learned to speak French, Japanese, some German and even a little Russian. All I can say is, "Wow!"

In the last few years you have matured so much that it is scary. Not that you were immature before. You have always been slightly ahead of your time. But, you have done things that many people will never do in their lifetime. You have spent 10 weeks working in another state and being responsible for yourself. You have earned a place in the National Honor Society. You have achieved the rank of Life Scout. You even spent a month living in Japan with your tutor and her family and friends. You have accomplished things that many would be envious of.

In a few months you will be graduating High School and embarking on a new journey. You will head to college where you will meet many new friends and experience many new things. It will be a whole new world for you. As you prepare for this next step there are some things we would like you to keep in mind.

College is nothing like High School. I know you think it will be easy, but I assure you that is not the case. The courses are harder. The professors tougher. Accept the criticism for what it is. Don't get offended when it happens. There is a reason for it. The goal is to make you work for your degree. It insures that when you graduate, you are the best you can be in your chosen field. We have seen you strive when you need to. Continue to do so and you will be fine.

You are going to meet a lot of new people. They will come from many places and may see life differently than you do. They will do things in ways that maybe you don't understand. Be accepting of the fact that people need to do what they feel is right for them. Even if it is what is not right for you. People will approach things with several different ideas. Listen to what they have to say and don't be afraid to express your own thoughts. Often times you may find that combining ideas will get you further. You don't always have to be right. Life would be boring if we all thought the same way.

This next one is a big one. Perfection is over rated and is never expected. You will not always have the answers. You will not always fully understand things. There is nothing wrong with that. If you had all the answers going in, you would be wasting time and money by even being in college. You are there to learn. Open your mind to what they try to teach. And no one there will expect you to know everything.

There are also going to be things that you experience socially. All we ask is that you use your best judgment. Think about what you are doing and what the consequences could be. Wasn't it Einstein that said, "Every action has an equal and opposite reaction" ? That holds true with things we do in our lives.

We know that as long as you hold onto your beliefs and enter into this part of your life with that same sense of wonder that you had 12 years ago, you will succeed in all that you dream of. We love you very much Kevin. We are so very proud of who you have become and of who you are destined to be!

We love you always,

Mom and Dad

Kevin on his first day of Kindergarten

Kevin on his first day of his senior year

Self Love. (No not THAT kind!)

I saw this video today and just have to share it. This is just too funny.

What vacation?

Yes, I realize I have been pretty scarce these days. Been a busy couple weeks. I had been hoping to catch up when I was on vacation 2 weeks ago but that just didn't happen. Monday and tuesday were great. I relaxed and enjoyed my time off in an empty house. Kids in school and wife at work. Hell, I even got out of the shower and walked through the house naked, just because I could! lol

Wednesday morning greeted me with a stomach virus. No, I don't think it was from being naked the day before. I spent the day pretty much horizontal and sleeping. Thursday was my annual physical. That meant nothing to eat or drink from the night before. No biggie right? I can just have coffee and food afterward. My appointement was for 11:30. I get there and as usual my blood pressure was high. No surprise there. What did come as a surprise was when my EKG came out bad. I have been having some chest pressure lately and it was bad the night before but, I assumed it was only from being sick and doing ballet anyway. (See previous blogs for more on that).

Well I guess my chest discomfort was enough of a concern for the doc. She told me I needed to see a cardiologist. I agreed to make an appointment. She looked at me and said, "No you don't get it. I am calling and you are going to see them right now. Go straight there!" Uh oh....time to worry a bit. So I go. I spent the next 5 hours dealing with tests and a doctor poking at me. Based on my family history and the symptoms I described, she is thinking hospital time. She decides to have me run on a treadmill first. It is now about 4 PM and I still have not eaten. I tell her I will run but be prepared to pick me up. I am diabetic and my sugar was getting low. She tells me they will feed me first. I was like wow, how much is the co-pay gonna be now? So, the nurse brings me a dry bagel and some water. I finish that and off to run while hooked up to so many wires it looked like I was growing ivy. I did well. Well enough to not have to go to the hospital that day. But not well enough to not have to go back to see her the next day. Grrr.....

Now here it is friday and again I can't eat. My test is for 12:30. I go and get injected with some sort or radioactive stuff that is strong enough to set off radiation detectors in police cars so I was given a letter to carry on me. I then get to eat. Then it is off to the MRI machine for the first round of pictures. Then it is back to a tread mill. They make you walk and eventually run to get your heart rate high enough. Well, they had increased my meds the day before and for the first time in many years my BP is normal. only now we can't get the heart rate up high enough. Increase the speed and incline on the treadmill. ....huff....puff...huff some more.....Finally we get it close enough. I am about ready to drop. The nurse injects more dye while I am running and tells me "Ok 2 more minutes" Easy for her to say! Then rest and more MRI pictures. The whole thing took about 4 hours. So much for vacation......

The results have come back normal...for the most part. But, she still is talking about putting me in the hospital for a cathodization in a month. Just to rule out the last little chance of heart disease. We are waiting a month to let the meds even out and I have to keep track of my pains. If I feel anything I need to go straight to the hospital. I just hope I dont have to run there!

I think next year I want to go to Disney on my vacation. I don't like how I spent this one!

Random Video of the Day

I recently had a hard drive crash that took years worth of pictures with it. After weeks of stressing out and beating myself up over not backing things up, I finally am well on my way to actually getting them back. It involved buying a new HD and reformatting the old one so the recovery software could do it's thing, but the money and countless hours are worth it totally. I have almost all of it back! Yay me!

As I am sitting here restoring videos I thought I lost tonight I came across this one. It was a dress rehearsal for my daughter's dance recital in 2008. I can not help but smile watching it. These are the types of memories I feared I had lost forever.

Random Pic of the Day

We got hit with another blizzard yesterday here on Long Island. It was not as bad as they had hyped it up to be but, it was still a decent amount of snow. As I do on most days, I spent my lunch hour at the dock. When I pulled in I found the gentleman above sprawled out on a lawn chair soaking up the sunshine. He had climbed over the snowbank and out onto the dock. I guess it is true. "Life really is what you make it." While the rest of the island is looking at today as a cold messy winter day, this man is looking at it as one day closer to Spring!

What About Me 4 My Wednesday

Ok so I am a day late with this one, but I am on vacation this week so I am taking it easy.

I do my best to be the type of dad that is always involved in what my kids are doing. I know they grow up too fast and I want to enjoy those special moments when I can. And as at least one of you knows, I will do pretty much anything for a laugh. I have found a way to combine the two in my latest project.

My daughter Katie dances. She is in 4 different dance groups and she loves being on stage. My favorite being the ballet. Well, this year I have the chance to participate. Yep you guessed it. I am doing ballet. Not just in a class, but 4 other dads, 2 grandads, and one brother, and I are going to be dancing Swan Lake in June's recital. I will give you a moment to stop laughing...............Better now?

Yes, our group of 8 is learning how to turn and point our toes and do all sorts of other leaps and steps I can not pronounce. We will do our number in a tutu. Since it is a bit see thru we will be wearing white boxers underneath. Add in the white tee, pink slippers, and a hair piece, (Katie says we will have to glue mine on) and you will have the oddest looking group of guys ever assembled in a dance recital.

I am actually having fun in the class. It is great exercise and we laugh at each other a lot. The teacher was so impressed that we learned so quickly, that she has us also learning a second number. It is a soft shoe tap number by Fred Astaire. I have suggested with our ages and lack of dance skills we should call ourselves the "Afraid of Stairs" instead of the Fred Astaires. The second number is a surprise. We are not telling anyone we are going to be doing it.

So, wish me luck. Pray I don't have a heart attack mid leap or that I don't trip on my skirt and break a hip. And before any of you ask, (Yes Dena I know you will) I plan to get a copy of the video from the recital and will be posting this to YouTube.

Favorite 4 My Friday

One of my favorite things in life is going to see my kids in any type of activity they do. I have yet to miss a single one. It kinda ties in with my Thought 4 My Thursday post from yesterday.
Today, the third graders at Katie's school were doing a "Wax Museum." Each child was dressed up as someone who has had an influence on America. When we walked into the classroom the children were all standing behind their desks. I walked over to Katie and she was looking down. I thought she was upset. So after asking what was wrong a few times and her not responding, she motioned with her finger to her desk. There was a cut out marked "Activate" I got it now. We need to push the button on the desk to activate the wax statue. Once I pushed it Katie looked up and smiled and began to talk about her person. She was Carrie Underwood. It was fun walking around and looking at the different children and they just loved when someone pushed their button. It was obvious that the children had learned to do research. They each had some fun facts about the person they were portraying.

Katie dressed as Carrie Underwood

Katie's cousin Joey as Abraham Lincoln

Thought 4 My Thursday

"Children will not remember you for the things that you give them,
but for the love that you shared with them"

Which type are you?

I was in 7-11 yesterday buying a cup of coffee. There was several people at the counter. Including one gentleman that was just standing there. He was blocking the counter. I noticed that he had an empty cup sitting on the counter and it became evident that he was waiting for one pot to stop brewing. This was despite the several pots that were already done. I realize it should not bother me but, it does. This is 7-11. Coffee does not sit in the pot for long. People are constantly buying it and a new pot is brewed. How much fresher could this new pot be? 5 minutes? Maybe 15 minutes tops?

Normally I would just give the guy a courteous nod, buy my coffee and leave. This was not one of those times. He was laughing and joking with one of the guys that works there and he stepped away from the counter for a minute. I saw my opportunity. While he was distracted I noticed the pot he was waiting for was pretty much done. So, I switched that pot out with the one sitting next to it. I poured my cup from the fresh pot and put it on the back burner. The guy came back and grabbed the pot of older coffee and poured his cup. He sipped it to make sure it tasted ok, put a lid on it and went to pay.

Was this childish of me? Probably. But, it sure was funny!

This brings me to the next part. I have noticed that there are several different types of people that frequent the 7-11 coffee counter each day:

Mr. Fresh- This is the type of guy I described above. They insist on waiting for that new pot. The only way to get fresher would be to go pick the beans with Juan Valdez

The Sniffer- This person insists on picking up each pot and smelling them. They are like the guy above. They just have to have the freshest coffee but, they just don't have the time to sit and wait for that fresh pot.

Heat Mizer- Similar to Mr. Fresh & The Sniffer in that they want that fresh pot. Only they attempt to find it by touching the coffee basket on the machine to see if it is still hot from having the water run through it. They can be identified by the burn scars in their palms. This method is not accurate since you never know when some smart ass may switch out the pots.

Sweet Stuff- This is the person that stands there pouring sugar into the cup until there is about an inch deep pile in the cup. There is so much sugar in the coffee that they probably don't even taste the coffee. There is less sugar in 5 Red Bull Energy drinks.

The Sipper - This unique person takes forever to make one cup of coffee. They put in a little sugar and / or milk and then stir it. Then they sip it to test the taste. They go back and add more sugar and stir and sip it again. This process is repeated several times until they have it perfected.

The Chemist- This is the person that will mix and match the various types of coffee. Maybe 1 part Brazilian Bold mixed with 1 part Decaf and a splash of Vanilla. I wonder if there is any combo that will burst into flames?

And finally, the type that I am, Mr. Pour and Go- I have made so many cups of coffee over the years that I know how I like it. I pour in a roughly measured amount of half & half. I then grab the closest pot of coffee and pour it. I don't care if it was just brewed or was something they found in a corner and reheated in the microwave. I like the taste of coffee but it is the caffeine fix I am after.

Which type are you?

Random Pic of the Day

Today's random pic was taken this past Saturday in New York City. The kids had an appointment and while we were there we got to walk around a little bit. This is the 3 of them in Times Square. If you enlarge the pic you can see the New Year's Eve ball and the 2010 sign lit up above them.

Toon 4 My Tuesday

Pine scented butt...ouch

Today was the day to finally take down the Christmas tree. My wife wanted it down last weekend but, we convinced her it should stay until Little Christmas on Jan 6th. We took all the decorations off of it and I unwrapped the lights. As she packed up the ornaments I crawled under the tree to unscrew the base. As I got down on the floor it became apparent that the tree was getting dry. I guess when I asked each day if the tree was watered and the kids said yes, they had not really done it. As the pine needles fell I thought I was going to end up with a number of them on my head. I pulled up the hood on my sweatshirt in an attempt to avoid it.As I unscrewed the final screw, the tree decided to tip over. Since I was concerned about any water spilling on the rug I grabbed the base. The tree landed on top of me. It was actually kinda funny and I laughed along with the kids. My wife came over and saved me from the man eating tree. Good thing I had put up my hood right? Well....not so much. What I did not take into account was that my sweatshirt rode up my back. And of course being a typical male, I had a bit of a plumber's crack happening. I discovered as I stood up that I had filled that crack with a bunch of dry pine needles. And of course they had to migrate further south as I reached back to grab what I could.

The next few minutes were spent trying hard not to move too much while at the same time digging out the pine needles. There was no way in hell I was going to climb the stairs to the shower until I was sure I had at least the ones that were threatening to poke me in the really tender spots. Next year I think I will tuck in my shirt better!

Follow up to my last post

I appreciate the kind words you each left for me. I do need to clarify one part. Yes I mentioned I felt almost suicidal. I also said that it is something I would never do. I meant that. Suicide is not an option for me. I have way too much to live for. That doesn't mean that I have not thought of it though. A person I have known for years (like 25 of them) happened to read my post and shared a song with me. It is the exact point I was trying to make in my writing. All it takes is a simple call to make that difference in someone's life.

So, sit back and watch this video. You may want to grab a tissue or two first.

Matt Kennon   More CMT Music   More CMT Music Videos

Thought 4 My Thursday

How many times have you sat there and thought that you make absolutely no difference in this world? Well, I assure you that you do.

I have been going through some really rough times lately. As a result I have been in a major depression. It usually happens in February each year but, since the cold came early maybe the mood did too? I hit a major low this morning. To the point of almost feeling suicidal. I would never do it since it is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Yet, just feeling that low is scary. I have been feeling extremely alone. The people I count on most seemed to be just so distant. I really figured if I were gone, no one would even notice. I offered up a prayer for some sort of glimmer of hope. Hope that I am thought about. Hope that I do make a difference to even just one person. The answer to my prayers came in the form of a simple phone call. Someone that I have missed dearly in my life. We talked for awhile. I didn't get into all of the drama that has surrounded my life these days. Instead I found a reason to just laugh and enjoy listening to them. My salvation came in the form of one simple sentence they said to me. "I was thinking about you" That is all I needed to hear. Those few words made me smile and cry at the same time.

My wish is that each of you stop for just one minute and reach out to someone. It can be a phone call or an email or even just a simple text message. Just let that person know you are thinking about them. It can be the difference in their life. The answer to a prayer they have hit their knees and offered up.

And to that one person that reached out to me today, thank you so very much. Today you made that difference in my world. I love you my friend. Hugz........

Green eggs, but no ham...

After months of wondering why my chickens were being too lazy to lay eggs, they finally gave us a Christmas miracle. On Christmas Eve they laid their very first egg. This is unusual since the lack of a sufficient number of daylight hours usually means chickens stop laying during the winter months. However, that is not the only weird thing about this egg. The strangest part is...it's green! Yep green eggs.

Now, for those of you that have been a reader for awhile, you may recall that last June we played a joke on my daughter by painting an egg gold and putting it in the pen for her to find. (We still have not told her it was a joke.) See the following for that story: The Golden Egg So when my daughter brought this green egg to me I figured it was paybacks. I figured someone dyed an egg green and placed it in the pen. Well, unless someone has a lot of time on their hands to keep repeating it, the egg is real. We have found about a half dozen more of them since then. We are getting at least one green egg a day now.

I have Googled "Green Eggs" and after sorting through all the Dr. Suess links, I can only find a small number of articles about blue eggs. These are laid by some rare South-American chickens. My chickens do not look like the ones in the pictures for those articles. Besides, those are blue eggs, not green. I even called my friend Dena since she raised chickens as a kid. Her purely scientific expert response was, "Maybe they are alien chickens?" Uhhhh....I don't think so Dena. lol

The only thing I can think of, and this is strictly a theory, is that the blue spotlight I put inside their coop to help keep them a little warmer is affecting them? I am considering changing it to a red bulb to see what happens. I had originally thought of putting a red bulb in anyway but, thought that looked too much like the heat lamps they use for keeping the roasted chickens warm at the supermarket! It just seemed to sadistic. If changing the light changes the eggs, I am going to start producing eggs pre-dyed for Easter!

Let me hear your theories on my alien chickens! In the meantime here is a picture of the first egg. Note: The white ones in the carton are from the store. I used them for comparison.

Merry Christmas Everyone!

Merry Christmas. It is something I grew up always saying to people at this time of year. It did not matter if they celebrate it or not. Sadly, in this day and age we are encouraged to be less specific and say, "Happy Holidays" so as to not offend anyone. Well, I for one will continue to thumb my nose at that vocal minority!

I am Catholic. My family celebrates Christmas. Ok maybe yours doesn't. Perhaps you celebrate Chanukah or Kwanza or Ramadan or even Festivus. I would not be offended in the least if you wished me greetings tied to any of those. In fact I would love it if you did!

I wish you a Merry Christmas as a way of letting you know that I share the same wishes for you that I do with my family. I am letting you know that I do not think of myself as above you. Nor do I think your views are wrong. I am simply saying we are all equal. Well share common bonds. Common ideals. I do not believe that any one religion has it totally right. Shouldn't we all share any blessings we can with each other and work together in this life?

So Merry Christmas to each and every one of you. May you find peace and happiness wherever you may go in this world. And please don't be afraid to share your warm holiday greetings with me or anyone else you know!

An extreme white Christmas

Like most people, I dream of having a white Christmas every year. Living here on the island we do not typically see a lot of snow. The Atlantic Ocean keeps our weather a bit warmer. Well, this year it appears I got my wish x 10!

My son Tyler and I headed out for camping this past Friday along with the rest of the scout troop. We do it every year at this time. We deep fry turkeys and make a lot of other food and then invite the families to come out on Saturday night for dinner. We normally camp Friday night until Sunday morning. This year we had to pull out Saturday night after dinner. It seems Mother Nature decided to bless us with a promise of a white Christmas by slamming the island with a blizzard. This is why we cut camping short. Not because we would not have survived sleeping outside, but because we knew the roads were going to make it almost impossible to drive home on Sunday morning.

When we left camp, it was snowing lightly and it almost appeared that the weathermen had over-hyped the snow yet again. As we made our way from the north shore down to our home on the south shore, the snow intensity increased. It was a very fine powdery snow and while it was snowing hard, it still seemed unlikely that we would get the predicted 12" - 18" by the time the storm was supposed to end on Sunday morning. Well, someone must have read into my thoughts and just had to prove me wrong. I woke up to a little more than 2 feet of the cold white powder. We have drifts upwards of 6' high. When my son pushed the door open through the 4' high pile that was blocking it, to let the dog out, the dog looked out and then turned around and peed on the tile floor instead. I can't really blame him. Being a male myself and knowing how hard it is getting into a cold swimming pool when the water reaches certain parts, how could I get mad that the dog refused to go drag them through the cold snow? Besides he would have had to tunnel his way around anyway.

So come Friday I will be enjoying my uber white Christmas. In fact I have a feeling we will be looking at this snow for some weeks to come. If anyone out there needs snow, I have plenty to spare!

Just to give you some perspective, my son Kevin is 6'-2" tall.
You can see how high the snow is on him.

The fence behind the shed is a little more than 6' high!

Santa used to be a gun slinging, chain-smoking, pervert

These are actual ads from years ago. I am old enough to remember these types of ads appearing each year at Christmas time. I am happy to say that Christmas is a lot safer for the children now that Santa has been to therapy!

We can see here why Santa is always looking to see where the bad girls live!
I can't really blame him since Mrs. Claus only let's him come once a year.
(Looking close at this picture, the skirt starts at the top of her thighs, and yet her butt is shown a lot higher.
What sort of legs does she have in between her butt and thighs?)

Correct me if I am wrong Santa, but doesn't smoking actually cause scratchy throats?

I guess if I was surrounded by perpetually happy midgets, I would smoke too.

"You'll shoot your eye out kid!"

Trees trees every where but, none to chop I think!

So yesterday was the day to go out looking for a Christmas tree. Since I am working today (and it's raining) and next weekend I will be camping, yesterday was either find a tree of be stuck buying a precut one and praying it doesn't dry up and die before Christmas. This is only the 3rd year we actually went out to cut down our own. I really enjoy it. Despite the inevitable incidents of aggravation that comes with it.

The day was sunny but very windy and very cold. We don't get weather like this until February typically. We all bundled up to face the elements and set out for the tree farm. We arrived at about 2 PM and the place was mobbed. Cars parked along the street as far as the eye could see. I lucked out and got a space almost directly across from the gate. We walked in, paid our $5 deposit for the bow saw and headed out into the field in our quest for that perfect tree. We walked and we walked and then we walked some more. Passing all sorts of trees. Of course none of them were perfect enough to be our tree. The problem here being we each have a different idea of what the perfect tree looks like.

The next 90 minutes or so were full of all sorts of comments. Things like, "It's too skinny" "It's too fat" "It's too tall" "It is bald on that one side" "It leans funny" "I do NOT want a Charlie Brown tree!" Then of course we have to toss in, "I have to go to the bathroom!" This being none other than my daughter who seems to feel the need to use every single public bathroom she can find. Even the porta potty she eventually was able to waddle to with her legs crossed. I kept hoping that I would turn a corner and see "The tree" bathed in glowing sunlight with birds singing and angels playing harps around it. It never really did happen that way. Maybe next year?

The highlight of the afternoon occurred when my middle guy decided to be a wise guy. My older son had spotted a tree. My wife commented it was too short. Since she is 5'2" and my older son, Kevin, pointed out to her, "You are too short." Well, the middle guy, Tyler, heard him and chuckled. Since everyone else chuckled too, I guess he figured this type of humor is acceptable. His mistake came about 10 minutes later. Katie found a tree she thought was nice. I think she would have settled for anything since she still had to find a bathroom. My wife looked at the tree and ruled it out saying "It's bottom heavy" Tyler not missing his chance snaps back, "You're bottom heavy!" Well, I choked, Kevin froze, and Katie paused in her pee-pee dance. We looked at each other and walked briskly away leaving Tyler with his mom. I have a feeling it will be quite some time before they find his body. I just wish he had made this mistake before we started buying his gifts. I could have saved some money!

We did eventually find a nice tree. The kids took turns trying to cut it down. They blamed the saw a lot for it not working so well. So after they had enough, I crawled under and finished the job. Katie did eventually get to the bathroom and we managed to get the tree tied to the car and home. I am really gonna miss Tyler though.

This is the tree I tried to convince Kaity we were getting.
She was not amused.

This is the tree we did end up bringing home.
I will try and post a pic of it all decorated.

Ho-Ho-Humbug!

I know it has been awhile since I have posted anything beyond a picture here and there. Things have not exactly been so easy lately and as a result, when I do have the time to sit and write, I just can't seem to bring myself to do it. Even now, I am sitting here almost forcing myself to type. So be warned, this may turn into a bit of a self pity post.

As I get older, it gets harder and harder to get into the whole Christmas spirit. This year is no exception. I tell myself that I should be working to make the holidays extra special for my kids. They should look forward to Christmas. My daughter does, but I still feel as if I should be doing more for her. Since my wife is working and going to school full time, I am left to take care of everything else. This leaves me exhausted most of the time.

In addition to the above, several things have happened over the past few months that have really taken a toll on me mentally. I found out my wife was cheating on me. My older son has been rebelling in a major way. Including sneaking out at 1 AM to go Lord knows where. My mom is having health issues. My wife has decided that she can not accept my oldest son being gay. My car died and I had to find funds to buy a new one. It's a used car but it is "new to me." My middle son has been battling depression. My brother's wife has distanced herself from the family and it creates major trouble for my brother. In fact, there is going to be a major fight in his house on Christmas morning I am sure. He just doesn't know it yet. And there are all the other everyday common worries on top of all of this. I am dealing with it all very much alone. I have found the ones I would talk to have become rather scarce these days. Not that they don't want to be there, they just have things going on in their own lives. I don't blame them.

Add all of the above together and drop it onto the shoulders of one very over worked and over stressed dad and.......well let's just say I am having a bit if trouble finding the holiday spirit this year and I hate it. I want my kids to think back to Christmas with memories that fill them with joy.

Any suggestions? I am very much open to ideas.

Random Pic of the Day

These hungry guys were hovering next to my car at lunchtime yesterday.
I was tossing fries up to them and they would catch them and wait for more.
I am surprised at the picture since it was taken with my cell phone.

Random Pic of the Day

Today was the Holiday Parade in our town. Despite winds howling at 40 mph, my daughter (looking at the camera) and her dance troupe were out there marching and dancing down Main Street. I love to watch her dance.

Woops!

My wife and I went to the mall today. She had wanted to go later in the day but, after I gave her a look that said, "It is the last race of the year and I am not going to miss a race I can rub in Dena's face later!" we agreed to go and get back before the race. On the way back she wanted to stop and grab a cup of tea at 7-11. I didn't mind since I wanted Diet Cherry Pepsi anyway.

We went inside and she said she was going to get a small one. I grabbed my Pepsi and a bag of Cheetos and met her by the coffee. I saw that she had a 20 oz cup. I questioned it since she wanted a small one. She said, "Yeah you are right. I will get the 16 oz instead" Me trying to be the helpful husband, I take the 20 oz cup and go to put it back on the stack. They stack them upside down so I had to turn the cup over to put it on top of the pile. As I am doing this, I see her mouth open and her eyes widen. I can tell she is about to say something. I probably should have froze and found out what she had to say.

It seems that she puts her half-n-half into the cup before the tea bag and hot water. So while I may have helped her, I made one hell of a mess as I dumped the contents of the cup down the entire stack of clean cups and all over the lids. Not to mention what splashed all over the counter and down inside the cup holder. Of course I did what any normal person would do. I looked at her and started laughing. Since we were on the side away from the registers, the worker didn't see anything. I did make an attempt to wipe some of it down but it was a losing battle.

I hurriedly made her a 16 oz tea and we paid and hightailed it out the front door. I can only imagine what the poor guy was thinking when he walked around and saw the mess. Good thing I don't go into that store all that often!

Thought 4 My Thursday

I wish I could impart some wonderful words of wisdom on all of you today. However, I am over the edge these days and totally out of my mind. So: No mind= No thoughts. Check back with me next week. lol

Let's make this kid smile.

I read about a little boy on one of my friend's blogs.
http://brittanyjohnson87.blogspot.com/2009/11/noah-biorkman-wants-christmas.html

His name is Noah and he is 5 years old. Noah is dying of cancer and his wish is to be able to celebrate this Christmas. His family is doing it early for him. All Noah wants is Christmas cards. He is not asking for toys. He is not asking for money. He is asking for cards.

If you are a skeptic like me, you are doubting the validity of this story. From what I can tell, it is genuine. I am going to do it. Not only that, I am going to ask my daughter to make a card too. I look at it this way, if it is fake all I wasted was the price of a card and a stamp. But, if it is true....well imagine the smile this little boy will have when he receives all these cards!

For the address and the rest of the story, go to Brittany's blog by clicking the link above. I am asking you all, please believe and let's make a difference to this little boy....tm

A proud moment in my life

I was away this week attending the Annual ICC Conference in Baltimore, MD. Despite a lot of heartache from the homefront, I was able to still enjoy my 15 minutes of fame. It was nice to be able to be recognized in front of a crowd of close to 2000 colleagues from all over the world. I even got to make an acceptance speech on the stage. LOL I am posting the story below:


The Building Officials Association of Suffolk County, a New York Chapter of the Code Council, was presented the ICC Community Service Award during today's Awards Luncheon. Community Service Awards are presented when circumstances warrant recognizing meritorious service that promotes the public health, safety and welfare in communities by initiating activities or actions that are considered to be above and beyond the normal expectations.

"For 20 years, the Chapter has managed an annual golf outing to raise funds for children's charities," Awards Committee Chairman Tim Ryan explained. "The Building Officials of Suffolk County Chapter has donated hundreds of thousands of dollars to charitable organizations, including St. Jude's Children's Research Hospital, Ronald McDonald House, Schneider Children's Hospital and Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation."

"The purpose of our job every year is to provide a future for our children and the children in our communities," said Chapter Secretary Thomas M. "Twenty years ago our association realized that, despite our best efforts, there are kids that will never get to grow up because they're lying in hospitals with either cancer or diabetes. We'd like to accept this award today, not only on the behalf of our association, but for all of those kids that are brave enough to dream of a future, and for every parent that hopefully we were able to give another day they were able to hug their child."

Random "Drunk off my ass" pic of the day

This picture is of me (on the left) and Jeff W. He is a Code Officer like me but, in Utah. The picture is of us at a party we had tonight. The one major difference between us is...I am drunk off my ass. Yes even as I type tis, I am feeling like the room is spinning. I started with a few glasses of wine. Followed by Captain Morgan rum, and then a bottle of "43" I am feeling rather festive at the moment. LOL

Random Pic of the Day

I took this picture about an hour ago while standing on the field behind home plate in the Baltimore Orioles Stadium. I am at a conference for work and tonight we had a reception event in Camden Yard followed by a tour of Orioles Stadium. Very nice event.

My best friend.

As many of you know, Oct 31st is Halloween. For me it also means something else. This Halloween will mark 6 years since I met someone that would go on to become my best friend. Over the years we have shared many laughs and just as many tears. There is no one else on this planet that knows me like they do. That is because I can be 100% real in front of them without the fear of being judged. And Lord knows I have said a number of things over the years that have made them go, "Oh Mylanta!" This friend knows things about me that I could never even admit to my family. We have shared stories about our kids and offered many tips to each other about parenting. We have shared our dreams and fears about life. I am never afraid to speak my mind and have no trouble telling them when I may not see eye-to-eye with certain things.

I know there have been times when she has wanted to just reach out and smack me for things I have either done or said. But, I know she only does that because she cares. We don't always have the same thinking but, we both listen to the opinions of each other and sometimes we just agree to disagree. No hard feelings either way.

I have become a better person because of things she has either taught me, or through my simply sitting back and watching her as she deals with things in her own life. And I can genuinely say, when I talk to her, we have fun. And although it has only been 6 years, it feels as if we have known each other forever.

I am posting this a day early because I will be traveling for a business trip on Saturday. So let me just say this now, so the whole world can see it:

Thank you Dena for all you have done for me. Thank you for being there when I needed you and even when I didn't. Thank you for always believing in me and for never giving up on me. And thank you for being my best friend. Hugz Kiddo

Toon 4 My Tuesday

Things that make you go "Hmmm..."

You have to tell me why no one questioned
this design when they were building it!

Thought 4 My Thursday

"If a man makes a simple mistake and there are no women around to make

him pay for it for the rest of his damn life, is he still a total screw up?"

What the heck is that?

Part of my job involves reviewing building plans. Depending on how small the project is, we will sometimes allow the homeowner to draw their own plans. The picture here is a recent submission. I had absolutely no idea what it was supposed to be. I could not decide if it was a picture of the sun or perhaps a squished spider? When we finally got ahold of the owner, they told us it is a swimming pool. Uhhh......yeah I just don't see it.

Gettysburg

Last weekend I was away camping with my boys and the rest of the scout troop. We spent a few days in Gettysburg, PA. I had never been there and honestly, I had never really cared if I had gone or not. I sure am glad I had this chance now.

For anyone not familiar with the Civil War, Gettysburg marked one of the most famous of all battles. It started on July 1, 1863. (100 years and 1 week before I was born). I will not go into a history lesson here but, this was huge. Thousands of men engaged in one very bloody battle.

We spent 2 days hiking close to 20 miles along roads and paths and across battlefields. There are markers and memorials everywhere. There are big ones and small ones. Each marking a place where a particular infantry was stationed or where a notable person had lost their life. These memorials are everywhere. Not just in accessible areas but, also in the middle of the woods or up on hillsides.

Standing in many of these spots, I could not help but let my mind take me back 146 years and feel the battle. There is an electric feeling of death in the air. The guns and cannons are long since silenced, but the energy of the dead soldiers is loud and clear. I did not see any ghosts while there. At least none that I know of. I have a couple hundred pictures to study to see if they show anything. I have included a few here.

Kevin and Tyler on "Little Round Top"

One of the thousands of monuments

Me and the boys by the Long Island Infantry Monument

The adult leaders and a few of the dads. I am in the middle.
(I dont recall being in a hole when this was taken). lol

Thought 4 My Thursday

By the time you finish reading this,
you will have wasted 5 seconds of your life....

Hey, Devin! Have you heard?

A few months back my friend Dena's son Devin started a blog where he could talk about NASCAR driver Tony Stewart. (http://tonyalltheway.blogspot.com/) Devin took great pride in flaunting the fact that Tony was doing better than my man Jimmie Johnson this season. Please note I said "was".

Where are you hiding now Mr. Devin? Have you looked at those standings lately? In case you have missed it, here is the standings as of this week:

RANK	+/-	DRIVER	POINTS	BEHIND	STARTS	POLES	WINS	TOP 5	TOP 10	WINNINGS
1	+1	Jimmie Johnson	5728	Leader	30	2	5	12	19	6,074,780
2	-1	Mark Martin	5716	-12	30	7	5	12	18	4,598,680
3	--	Juan Montoya	5670	-58	30	2	0	6	16	4,560,080
4	--	Tony Stewart	5644	-84	30	0	4	15	21	6,184,680
5	+2	Jeff Gordon	5623	-105	30	0	1	14	21	5,628,030
6	-1	Kurt Busch	5607	-121	30	0	1	8	17	3,993,030
7	+1	Greg Biffle	5540	-188	30	0	0	9	14	4,151,310
8	+2	Carl Edwards	5536	-192	30	0	0	7	13	4,814,820
9	-3	Denny Hamlin	5509	-219	30	1	2	11	16	4,239,890
10	-1	Ryan Newman	5505	-223	30	1	0	5	14	4,320,030
11	--	Kasey Kahne	5422	-306	30	0	2	5	12	4,864,470
12	--	Brian Vickers	5377	-351	30	6	1	4	13	4,084,730

I do believe that Tony is now behind Jimmie? Hmmmm...? Who is laughing now my friend?

By the way, if this is how the season finishes, your mom is going to owe me a shirt. Are you going to be the one to take the pic of her wearing it in public for me? hehehehe

What About Me 4 My Wednesday

I am affected by the seasons. This is the time of year I seem to go through a bout with depression. It happens every year. I spend a lot of time looking at my life. Where I have been and where I want to be. Maybe it is things in my past that have happened in autumn. Maybe it is watching the Earth as she slowly prepares for her winter slumber. Or maybe it is a little of both. Either way, I become very introverted. I keep to myself and spend much of the time in a hazy fog. Simply going about my days on autopilot.

The one thing that keeps me from totally going off the deep end, is the fact that I know this mood will pass. It always does. One day I will wake up and the sun will be shining and the world will seem right again. Until then, I will be in my own little world and may seem a bit distant. It is nothing personal. It's just me.

Toon 4 My Tuesday

Random Pic of the Day

This is the latest marketing campaign in 7-11. They have what can only be described as a little brown turd trying to get you to buy coffee. The splatter you see on the floor has me stepping over it everytime I go into the store. It's silly because I know it's fake but, I do it every single time.

Random Pic of the Day

Thought 4 My Thursday