My dad is a dildo? Huh?

Yesterday was Christmas. As is typical for the day we got up early, opened the gifts under the tree, leaving the stocking stuffers for the evening, then got everyone moving and dressed. My parents have been doing breakfast at their house every Christmas since I was about 3. Since my wife's family does family dinner it is never a conflict for us to head out to one family in the morning and the other half in the late afternoon.

Over the years the family has grown. While my grandparents have passed away and that lessens the family at the table by three (my dad's mom died in 1975), there are now 7 grandkids that were not part of the picture before. Factor in that the house my parents moved into several years ago has a smaller dining room and you will appreciate how tight the table gets with 15 people. Somehow we always manage and we always have fun. We all sit around enjoying a nice breakfast and sharing some laughs. The kids tend to be loud which gets my mom a bit on edge but since 3 of them are mine, I am used to a bit of a constant din. Add in the fact it is Christmas and I challenge you to find me a kid that can sit still and not be excited.

Despite the nerves jumping away, my mom actually enjoys the kids joking with her and playfully teasing her. It was something I used to do with her mom. Even though my grandfather would get annoyed at me I kept right on doing it. He would insist I was being disrespectful. Of course my grandmother would just laugh and tell him, "Shut up Fred." So, just as her mother enjoyed the playfulness, so does my mom.

My mom hates her middle name. It is Hilda. She does not like people saying it. She does not like people even knowing it. (Don't tell her I told it to you). The grandkids all think it is funny to tease her about it though. She laughs along for the first 30 seconds and then tells them that is enough. My sister's son just does not know when to give up though. That is a whole other story. At the breakfast table he started in again with  "Grandma Hilda." This got my brother's son started. They kept going back and forth. Now anyone with kids knows that they like to find names that rhyme. Joey, my brother's son, decided to also include my father in their teasing. I am sure you are sitting there trying to find a rhyme for "Hilda" and probably having no luck. Neither did Joey. But, as kids will do, he used something he thought was close. And that is when it happened. Over the voices of everyone he blurts out, "Grandma Hilda and Grandpa Dildo!",,,,,,I will give you a minute to stop giggling. Needless to say, we all just stopped for a split second and then all started laughing hysterically. Of course Joey thinks we are all laughing with him so he says it again...and again...and again. Finally we had to tell him that it was not appropriate. He has no clue what he was actually saying and started to get upset thinking he may be in trouble. I looked at my brother and said, "He is your kid. I am not telling him what a dildo is."

I don't know if his parents ever explained to him why being called a dildo may not be the best thing. All I do know is this will be a story that probably gets repeated at our Christmas breakfasts for years to come.

53

I am not a psychic. Outside of watching my kids do things that I know will not turn out how they envision, I have no way of predicting the future. However, several months ago a number popped into my head when I woke up one morning. That number is 53. I don't know why and I don't know where it came from. I just know that it scares the hell out of me. On their own, the numbers 5 and 3 are not intimidating. I am pretty sure that Sesame Street has an episode that was "Brought to you by the number 5 and the number 3!" Yet put them together and they have become a dark shadow lurking over me. Let me explain why.

As much as I don't want to admit it, I am 48 years old. The big "Five - Oh" is only about 18 months away. It is not an age I am looking forward to having to say. I rebelled at turning 40 or at least that is what I have been told. I am sure people will tell me, "Oh it is only a number." They are right. It is only a number. However, it is not the 50 I am worried about. It is that 53. From somewhere deep inside I have this nagging feeling that 53 will be the age of my death.

I know it is an irrational fear. I am not aware of any relatives that passed at that age. My mom's dad did pass at an early age but, he was career military and since he left his family long ago, we don't really know what he died from. Perhaps it is my health issues? I do have high blood pressure and I am a diabetic. But, I see the doctor every 3 months and both have been fairly well under control thanks to medication. All I know is I really am worried that I am not going to be around in 5 years. I sure hope I am wrong on this one. I have way too many things I am looking forward to yet.

At the turning point....

My blogging has gotten very rare. It is not because I don't want to write but, it is because I wanted this to be a happy place. Sadly my life is at a point where the stresses have consumed me and anything I put here is going to be negative. On the other hand, short of going back to therapy, this may be the best place for me to air out things. I find by writing about them I am able to let a lot of it go. Venting always helps. If my readers choose to head elsewhere it is fine. It may still help me to sort out my head........

Amen!!

I love my job!

I know it may sound like I am drunk, but I actually love my job. Especially in the fall because I get to travel for conferences. This year's state conference is in Niagra Falls, NY. It is the third time I have been here but, the Falls never cease to impress me. It really is a beautiful sight to see. Next month I am off to Pheonix, AZ. I am looking forward to that trip too. I have never been there.

Here are a few pictures from today:

Music 4 My Monday - You know who you are.

In Memory of a Dear Friend

A number of years ago I made friends with someone that lived in PA. She was a divorced mother of 4 who had a really big heart. Always there to listen when needed. She never judged and genuinely cared about people. There came a point in my life where I was very much alone. It seemed doors were being closed on me left and right. One day she suggested that I listen to a little known song by Matchbox 20. I listened and fell in love with the song. I would play it over and over and sing along with it. It was not until about 5 minutes ago that I realized I had been taking the song wrong. My friend was not just trying to say she understood the feeling of being a "Hand Me Down" but, she was telling me I could lay all my troubles down and she would help.

Sadly I can't reach out to her and tell her I appreciate her offer. She passed away in her sleep last July at the age of 53. Since we had discussed life after death many times, I am sure she is watching over me when I need that extra guidance. So tonight this song is in memory of my friend Sue Dejamenic. I know God has welcomed you into the light with open arms.

Life Lesson for the Day

Recital 2011

Saturday night was this year's dance recital. My daughter did 4 numbers plus the opening. How she remembers all those moves is beyond me. This year I was part of the stage crew so I had an awesome view. I love watching her dance. She always has the biggest smile!

As I did last year, I also had some stage time. I did a tap routine that I really had a great time learning. We danced to a Frank Sinatra tune. I was a bit worried about this one since my partner tended to miss a lot of practice time. In fact at the dress rehearsal the night before, she stopped to look at the feet of the other couple. Not a good sign. Especially since as we stood in the wings waiting to go on, she was asking me questions about steps. She had me so confused by the time we went out. I tried explaining that it was not the time to start asking since I was trying to listen for my directions about curtains and other stage direction in my headset. I spent over an hour Saturday at home going over the dance alone just to refresh my memory. When we finally went on for the show I was pretty confident. Amazingly we hit every single step.

The second dance I was in was a goof number. It was me, my brother and my son doing this one. We did a hip hop dance to the Village People song "Macho Man" The first part of the song involved us strutting across the stage in very over sized clothes and fully padded. When we got to the other side we had to rip off the fat clothes and head back out in workout pants and a muscle shirt. Timing on this was critical since we had to hit a certain mark to go right into the dance. During dress rehearsal my son forgot to rip the velcro on his pants. He ended up stuck and struggling like a seal caught in a fish net. We totally blew the mark. So Saturday we spent a lot of time practicing quick strips. As we waited our turn on stage at the show we were all really nervous about making sure we timed it perfect. I am happy to say that we nailed that too! People laughed and we had fun.

If I can figure out how to rip video off Facebook I will share here. In the meantime, I plan to continue tapping through the next year. I have also requested a dance where I can actually dance with my daughter before she becomes a teenager and wants nothing to do with me!

Music 4 My Monday

One of the best Taylor Swift songs ever. I would have to say that she is my favorite female country artist. It helps that she is mentioning my favorite male artist. lol

Rapture

So according to some religious group, tomorrow May 21, 2011, is supposed to be the beginning of the end of the world. They claim that Christ will return to the Earth and take the believers to Heaven. Once they are all safe and sound, the remaining folks on the planet will be subjected to 5 months of Hell on Earth until October when the the Earth is destroyed by fire. It should be pointed out that this same group originally predicted doomsday was going to be in 1994. When that didnt happen, they said they made a mistake in calculations. They claim to have corrected the mistakes.

Do you believe the prediction to be true? How will you spend your remaining time on Earth? Personally I don't believe the end is here. But, should I be wrong, at least the traffic Monday morning should be lighter.

Being alone....

I am the oldest of 3 kids. The first few years of my life I was an only child. Along came my brother and a few years after my sister. I grew to have friends in the neighborhood and life was quite social. I was a happy go lucky kid. Life was fairly normal. I guess as normal as one could expect when subjected to being mentally and sexually abused and having an alcoholic dad. (No it wasnt my dad that sexually abused me). Somehow I managed to make friends that I hung around with. things were going pretty well until I went to Middle School.  It was at that time that I lost my best friend to a tragedy. I have posted about it before. I withdrew. I spent a lot of time alone after that. Because I had withdrawn and I happened to be the smallest kid in school, I took a lot of abuse at the hands of bullies.

It wasn't until college that I started coming out of my shell and letting people get close again. I made some friends. I dated a couple girls. Most were casual dates. there were only 2 girls I let myself get really close to. In fact they are the only two I have ever been intimate with. One I married, the other has remained a dear friend. Someone I had lost touch with over the years, but reconnected with a couple years ago. Though I have not heard from her in a number of months now. She has found happiness in her life and I am happy for her. Part of me still holds a special place for her and I wish her all the happiness in the world.

Of course none of that was really the point of this post. Though it does provide a bit of a back ground. As I sat down with my laptop today, I could see my reflection looking back at me and I wondered just who it was I was seeing. Somehow I have lost myself over the years. Sure I have made friends over the years.....or should I say I have befriended people? It seems that no matter what anyone ever says about always being there, we are very much alone in life. People have lives. They have their own dreams. Their own issues. Their own needs. I live in a home with a woman who is technically my wife, but is so wrapped up in herself that we all are very low priority. On top of that I hear all the time how she wants me out of the house. My kids are doing what kids do. They go about their lives learning and growing with the intention that someday they will be on their own. Friends are something I just dont seem to have. The few I did have have all moved to other parts of the country. And unless I pick up the phone I never hear from them. The same actually is true for my parents. If not for holidays or my dropping in, I would never hear from them.

I have others that I have connected with online. Several I have talked to outside of the confines of the internet. But, again, I don't really hear from any of them unless I speak up first. And even then much of the time a response is something that becomes optional to them. One or two of them I never speak to unless they need a shoulder to lean on. Where is my shoulder? Where is the type of friend you have expected me to be over the years when I look for that in you?

There is always reasons. "I have been depressed" "I have not felt like talking" "I have been really busy" "I saw that you messaged but when I actually do have time to respond, I forgot about you" (Sorry but, that last one really hurt). "You just don't understand"   Yes I understand that your lives are full. I realize your life is hard. I realize I am simply someone many miles away and don't exactly fit into your schedule. But, have I ever turned my back on any of you? If you took a few minutes to find out how I am, you would see that my life is also busy. I have little time just like you. But, somehow I have always managed to find the time to say hi. Just to ask how you were doing. I always respond to messages. I make time to listen to you when you are down.

I am not mad. I am not trying to make anyone feel bad. I am not looking for sympathy either. Just venting.....I know that a few of you are going to read this and probably get defensive. And at least one of you is going to be pissed off at me. Maybe even stop talking to me for awhile. I probably wont know it anyway so I suppose it makes little difference. I am not asking you to change anyway. I just wanted to the chance to express how I am feeling today and since you were not about to ask, this was the option I had left. Hopefully you see it before I regret posting it and take it down. lol

I love sappy stuff like this

Because you missed it Dena.

I am beginning to hate going to the doctor

I was away camping this past weekend and I am glad. There is something about being out in nature that helps to calm over-stressed nerves. This weekend was one of those much needed stress reliefs. It was not originally planned that way, it just worked out.

Friday evening just before I left for the woods of the North Shore, I received a call from my doctor. I had been in for an abdominal sonogram recently and was waiting for the results. I wasn't worried about them finding anything. Too bad it didn't end up that way.

It appears I have fat infiltration of my liver and a cyst on one of my kidneys. The liver I am told can be remedied by losing weight and getting more exercise. Will take some will power but, I suppose I dont have much choice. The kidney has me a bit more concerned. They want to wait and see if it grows before deciding on how to treat it. Easy for them to say. I am the one that will sit here worried about it until then. I sure hope it turns out to be nothing. Sigh.......

April Fools!

I woke up to my clock radio this morning as I do every day. The only thing was they were playing christmas songs. I admit, it did make me have to stop and think for a minute. But, in all fairness, I had not had coffee yet.

I do enjoy a good prank once in awhile so I decided to have some fun. Let me start by saying the women in my office are not very computer savvy. So what better way to get them? I went in and took an instant screen shot of their desktops with the icons. I moved a number of them around before I took the pic. I then set that screen capture as their desktop image. And then rearranged the icons again. What you then have is duplicate icons all over the place but only one set that really works. Needless to say they were all panicking thinking they broke something.

There was one computer I could not get into in time so I needed to come up with another idea for her. So I sent her a text message that said the following:

"I didn't want to embarrass you in the office so I didn't say it outloud but, if you go to Street View on Google Earth you can see your house. You should really not stand so close to the window while topless!"

She was flipping out! She even gave me a look and asked "Really?" I just nodded yes and walked back into my office. She was all set to call her husband when someone else told her to look at the date. lol

I am at lunch right now. I am sure they are all sitting around trying to pay me back some how. We shall see. So what jokes did you pull today if any?

I see dead...defendants!

It has been rather crazy at work these days. It seems that with the approach of Spring, everyone gets outside to smell the fresh air, look around, soak up the sunshine, and bitch about their neighbors. The complaints are piling up.

I try to be understanding with people. Especially in this economy. It is not that people want to do things wrong, sometimes they just are against a wall. In any event, my job is to look at things fairly and objectively. If it is against the law I am bound to take action. I always give warnings first. Fail to correct the issue and I am forced to write a summons.

The first defendant decided about a year ago to build a pigeon coop...out of scrap material.....in his front yard. Needless to say, the neighbors are not exactly happy. After several warnings I was forced to write tickets. I went to the house to serve them and was greeted by the daughter-in-law. She advised me that the man I wrote, passed away roughly 4 months ago. Luckily she accepted responsibility since she never wanted it there to begin with.

Case 2: Business here has sidewalks that are busted up and uneven. Since it is a heavy pedestrian traffic area we warned them and then wrote summonses when the warnings went unanswered. When we served the tickets, the man who accepted them, who is not even the responsible party, burst out in tears and literally broke down crying hysterically. I pray he gets therapy and is not suicidal. One death is enough.

The next violator is a business owner. 2 years ago the municipality passed an ordinance which required all electric box signs must be removed on every business. No exceptions. This stemmed partly from the death of a fireman who was electrocuted to death when he touched one. It also is because the powers that be feel they look tacky. All signs were to be down by January 1, 2010. That was extended to this year because of the economy. We are going after the vacant stores first. I sent a letter to Mr. H advising him to take care of his stores. He called me and assured me he would remove them by last Tuesday. When that day came and went, I was ordered to write summonses. When we went to serve them to him last night, his wife broke down in tears and told us that Mr. H died about a week ago. Hmm...I am sensing a trend here.

Then we come to the fourth case. Also last night. Accessory apartments are legal here provided you get a permit. This home has had one up until 4 years ago. Letter after letter has gone unanswered to renew. The previous inspector simply ignored it. I finally took action and wrote the tickets. Go to serve them and get told by the daughter who now owns the home that she bought the house about a month ago when her dad passed away. Grrrr.....

Talking to our prosecutor today I was explaining to him about chasing ghosts lately. His response was, "Tom you seem to be a jinx and people you deal with in court end up dead. I don't think I feel comfortable talking to you." I know he was just kidding but, I think I may make his statement turn true when I beat him to death!......tm

It must be Monday......

I have never been a fan of Monday. It is days like today that remind me why. It started off like pretty much every other day. With the small exception of needing to get my body to acknowledge the time change. I got dressed and made it to work on time. My coffee was good and I was getting things done. And then in walked Mrs. F.

Apparently Mrs. F is not capable of understanding why she is not allowed a third kitchen in her home. She did file the papers for permission for it, but she was denied by the board. As we always do, we sent out her denial to her. This morning she decided to come into the office to scream at me for it. I am used to upset people bitching at me. I can handle it. I remained calm and advised her that she had two choices. She could comply and remove the kitchen or she could contact an attorney and that she may have legal avenues she can follow. Neither option was what she wanted to hear.Eventually she did leave but, was definitely not happy.

About an hour later I was outside in the parking lot. I car pulled up and the driver was asking me some questions. I noticed a second vehicle pull into the lot at a rather high speed. The driver of that vehicle got out of the car and came over to me screaming like crazy. I was trying to calm this person down so I could understand the problem. She would just not stop. She kept getting right into my face and spitting at me. Despite repeated efforts to back her off and calm down, she persisted. I was able to piece together that she is the daughter of Mrs. F from this morning. I excused myself from the driver that I was originally talking to and concentrated on the irate woman. She stormed off at one point and when the Tax Assessor came out the side door she went off on him. The poor man is in his late 80s and is in really poor health. The last thing he needed was to be badgered over something he has nothing to do with. So, I walked over to retake control of the situation. At that point she was back to spitting in my face and then she grabbed me. She did not want to let go. Now, I certainly was not about to punch this woman but, I also do not like being grabbed. Especially on a flight of stairs. I told her to let go of me immediately or I would be calling the Police. One of my other co-workers came outside and dragged me inside. They knew at this point I was pissed. I do not blame them for removing me from the situation.

Someone who happened to be witnessing the whole scene did notify the police. They showed up quickly and took control of the scene. I did not go back outside but, I heard that she continued to carry on and eventually was in tears. The officer did manage to calm her down and he sent her on her way. I filed an incident report within my own department and I will leave it at that. She did not harm me in any way so I will not bother pressing charges. Hopefully she went home and seriously thought about how bad that could have turned out if I had her arrested. Though somehow I doubt she did.....yep, it is Monday!

Music 4 My Monday

Thought 4 My Thursday

Even the strongest rock will crumble 

if neglected long enough.

If you do nothing but put more and more of your load on the rock that makes your foundation in life and never take a minute to make sure your rock is not cracking or overwhelmed, you will soon find yourself flat on your back, surrounded by the dust that once was that rock......