Alzheimers is not pretty

For anyone that has never had a loved one that had Alzheimer's, let me tell you, it is a hard thing to watch. Several years ago my mom was diagnosed with the disease. I do not see her as often as I probably should. Partly do to my schedule and mostly because of my dad. He is another story. Not seeing her everyday, I see the deterioration more than others. Saturday night my dad wanted to go out to dinner with some friends. He asked if someone could take mom while he went out. I volunteered to pick her up and bring her to my house.

I arrived at her house on Saturday and she was sitting on the couch eating crackers with her typical smile. When I told her she was going with me she seemed surprised. She had no clue that was the plan despite being told by my father several times. If she had protested, my daughter and I would have simply stayed there instead. Though my wife may have not been overly thrilled since she was making a nice dinner. (See some of my other blogs about the wife and you will understand). In any event, I got her out the door and into the car.

Dinner was nice. She sat and ate and simply listened as everyone was talking around the table. I am sure she would have loved to particiapte but, she is at the point of having great difficulty finishing sentences. Her thoughts get lost before she gets to vocalize them. It is very frustrating for her. After dinner we put on a movie and even that was hard. She can not follow a plot line anymore. So while she watched, she said nothing and simply stared. I was at a loss. Then a thought occurred to me. She cannot remember current things but she can remember things from years ago. I started to search for clips from the Carol Burnett Show. She always watched it on TV. She got into the clips immediately. She was laughing and remembering when she saw them originally. It turned out to be the highlight of the night. She seemed to be more like her old self. And it was nice because I find myself at a loss of how to talk to her these days.

On the way back to her house, the disease was back. I mentioned my brother to her and she had no clue who I was talking about. He seems to be the one she is forgetting first. She remembers me and she remembers my sister. My brother is in between us in age. Yet she remembers my oldest son. In fact on the way to my house she asked, "Where's Kevin?" In her mind he is still a little boy. He is 22. But that's ok. She remembers him and that says something about their bond.

As I sat and thought about all this last night, I could not help but think that this will be the last Christmas with my mom. She may very well be here physically next year but, I am afraid her mind will be totally gone by then. I want to make this year special for her. I will let you know how that works out.

The Something Store

Before I write this, let me point out that this is not spam. I do not work for the company and I gain nothing from this.

Back in July the local radio station was talking about a website called thesomethingstore.com. The idea is that you pay $10 and they send you something. You have no clue what you are getting. It is a totally random something. They guarantee that the something will be worth at least $10 MSRP. And they ship it for free.

I jotted down the website so that I would remember it come December. My idea was that I would order 5 somethings. One for each member in my family, including myself. I thought it would be fun to unwrap a totally random gift. I was right.

I ordered the 5 somethings and they came about 2 weeks later. All in one package. This looked like it was going to be a problem. I was hoping to get each one at a time so I could wrap each without seeing the item. I had my brother open the package for me and count the items so that I at least knew there were 5. Not only were all 5 there, but they were each wrapped in plastic envelopes which hid the contents. Perfect.

On Christmas Eve I stopped at the Dollar store and bought 5 identical gift bags. That night I dropped one item in each bag, covered it with tissue paper and sealed the bag. I wanted there to be no way to tell the size of each item. Christmas morning I lined up the bags and let my middle guy picked the first bag. We sat and watched as he opened his package to find a pale blue paisley print neck tie. He says he won't wear it but the look on his face was fun. My daughter picked next. She got a pretty nice scarf. My oldest son then picked a bag and opened it to find a framed picture of Bob Marley and a tiger. Interesting to say the least. My wife got a scarf and I got a mango scented perfume. lol

Nothing in the bags was anything spectacular but, they were each valued at least $10. the laughs we got watching each person open their random something was priceless and well worth it. I think this is going to be an annual tradition. It was so fun!

Mom has Alzheimer's

My wife was the first one to notice something was wrong. That was probably 5 or 6 years ago. She commented about how my mom seemed to be more confused than normal. She mentioned it to me and also to my sister and dad. We all dismissed it as just being normal for a person as they aged. Maybe we were ignorant. Or maybe we chose to be in denial. Whatever the case, my wife would bring it up every once in awhile. Each time saying it seemed worse. Eventually it became too noticeable for us to deny. Not long afterward, mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer's.

I hate to admit it, but even after the diagnosis, I chose to keep my head in the sand. While I don't have the close relationship with my parents that many others seem to have with theirs, this is still my mom. I didn't want to face the fact that she was never going to be the same person I knew growing up. It is really only the past year that I could not ignore it any longer. Even my dad who is the "king of denial" faced reality before I did. Probably because he lives with her and sees her every day. I do not. Though, by that logic, my sister who sees her several times a week took longer than any of us. Even my brother saw it.

It started out with simple things like forgetting what she said 5 minutes before or by getting confused easily about what she was trying to say. After that came the forgetting appointments even though she wrote them on the calendar. Then the forgetting of things like birthdays or other milestones. She no longer is allowed to drive. She blames my father for that despite the fact it was the doctor that said she needed to stop. My dad gave her car to my brother in order to avoid her sneaking out while he was working. That was several months ago. It has been rough on my dad. Despite the fact we all offer help, unless we simply go and step in, he refused to ask.

Sadly as of now, she is starting to lose more of her long term memory. I was there about 2 weeks ago and said something about my brother and she looked at me confused and asked, "You have a brother?" When I reminded her of who he is she said, "Oh yeah." This is an incident that I shared with my sister but will not tell my brother. I think he would be hurt. And since he already suffers that "Middle Child Syndrome" I do not want to compound it.

Last weekend my wife took mom out Christmas shopping. During the outing my wife mentioned our son Kevin. Mom asked, "Kevin who? My Kevin or your Kevin?" I am not sure if she forgot my son or more likely that "her Kevin" is my son and she simply did not connect my wife as his mom. She later saw a white SUV and commented how it was exactly like my wife's car. We have not owned a white SUV since the early 90's. My sister does have one so this can be taken either way.

This is the first Christmas in my life where the morning will not be spent at my parents home for breakfast with the entire family. We have always spent it at home. Even after we all got married, we brought our spouses and our kids and crowded into the dining room to spend the morning together and happy. My dad approached me the week before thanksgiving and said mom was already stressing and crying over Christmas. He did not think she can handle it anymore at their house and he was hoping one of us kids would step up to help by moving it to our house. Of course I agreed. My brother does not have the room for 17 people at one table and my sister's house is being renovated. I have no dining room but I do have a sunroom that can handle us all. A couple space heaters and 17 bodies at 98 degrees should warm it up just fine.

Christmas will be different in setting only. I am determined to keep it the same as we have always done over the last 50 years. I don't know what the next year will bring or how much my mom will forget in that time. So I want to make sure that the day is just as special to her as it has always been to all of us.

Here we go again...

I know my blog has been neglected. And not because I can not think of anything to write about. It is more because I have too many things I could write about. I don't know where to begin anymore. It is like standing in the grocery store trying to decide what you want to eat. Way too many choices and none of them seem good enough.

Yeah, Yeah I know.

Yes, I am still alive. And yes, I know I have been neglecting my blog. Not for lack of things to write about either. On the contrary, I have had so many things to wrote about that I feel too overwhelmed to pick single things to write about and just don't know where to start. Perhaps if I write a quick list of topics I want to cover I will be able to pick off the list until we are all caught up?

1. Baby bug has developed into quite the singer and is going to be competing.

2. My oldest son graduated college this weekend.

3. My mom has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. (This is not so new. She knew but kept forgetting to tell us! Doh!)

4. My dad is a total Dick. Yes with a capital D.

5. My health sucks and I am the only one to blame.

6. I am about to turn 50! Sigh......

7. I have learned to tap dance (yes I really mean tap dancing) and actually competed.

8. My memory is shot. Did I mention I am turning 50 soon?

That is just a few of the more recent things happening in my life these days. I think starting sometime tonite or tomorrow I am going to conquer that list. :) For now I am going to go catch up with YOUR blogs!

A shoulder to lean on

I know I have been gone awhile so I should tell you that we were affected by Hurricane Sandy here in a big way.The municipality I work for is one of the ones that has been all over the news because of the devastation. I will tell you more about it and share some pictures in another blog. today I want to tell you about one individual I dealt with. I will call her Mrs. H. to protect her identity.

Mrs. H is a 70 year old widow who's house was severely damaged by the flood created by Hurricane Sandy. I met her last year after Hurricane Irene and had not seen her since. Last time her house was damaged but she had made repairs and had resumed her life. This time the damage is so bad that the house is collapsing and needs to be demolished. Mrs. H. has moved in with her daughter around the corner for now.

Earlier today the daughter came in to my office to find out what needed to happen before the house could be bull dozed. She is concerned because her mom has been sneaking back to the house, crawling over the debri and going inside just to lay on her bed. I can not even begin to tell you how dangerous the house is for her to be near it let alone inside of it. I agreed to go to the house and then stop by and speak to her mom.

I went to the house this afternoon and looked at the devastation. It was worse than I remembered. I knew I had to find a way to convince Mrs H that she needed to stay out. But, I also understood why she was doing it. She wanted to go "home." It is a house she bought with her husband 40 years ago. She raised her kids there. She still had everyone over on Sunday's for dinner. Her husband passed away several years ago but, she has maintained the house ever since. Standing outside the home I could see the kitchen. On the fridge was a family picture, a heart that said "World's Greatest Grandma" and a silver angel magnet. I grabbed my boots, my heard hat, and a flash light and proceeded to climb over the rubble that was once this poor woman's entire life. I took the things off the fridge and put them in my pocket. Looking back the house looked even worse and I knew that my going inside was not too smart. I slowly made my way back outside to safety. With the things I took in my pocket, I drove to the daughter's house.

I sat and talked to Mrs H for close to an hour. I listened as she told me why she went back. I let her tell me stories about the house and the memories she had of the life there. And I cried with her when she told me that she prayed that the house would fall on her and take her from this world. I have been told that I am very serious and all business at work. I wonder what people would have thought if they saw me there. As Mrs. H continued to tell me more, I handed her the items I brought for her. I told her that the angel watched over her while she was there but, now the angel was in her daughter's house and she needed to let the angel protect her there. She then told me about how the flood waters had actually washed a lot of her family pictures and the statue of the Virgin Mary all the way up the street to her daughter's driveway. I explained that if the Virgin Mary knew it was safer to move, then she should believe her. Mrs. H smiled and pondered that for awhile. I think she sees the sign.

As I left I gave Mrs. H a hug and made her promise me to stay out of the house. I told her I wanted to come hear more stories some time and she could be my adopted grandmother. I also made her promise not to tell my mom that since my mom is actually 2 years older than her.

I take my job seriously. I am to protect lives. Does not matter who it is. What they believe. What they have or do not have. They are all the same. Sometimes it means I have to step outside my immediate job, put down the hard had and the clip board and just listen.......

These are 2 pics of Mrs. H's home. This does not even do it justice. It is worse in person.

OMG I forgot I had a blog!

It appears that senility is getting the better of me. I totally forgot I even had a blog until about 5 minutes ago. It seems I have missed quite a few posts from all of you. I may never catch up. Uhg.....

I would love to blame it on the fact that I have been working between 70 - 80 hours a week since Hurricane Sandy hit here but, that would not explain the months between my last post and the storm.

I am sure I deserve some sort of punishment for neglecting my readers. What is your pleasure? Public flogging? Community service time? Donations to charity? A personal note of apology in your email? Be gentle on me. I promise to try harder.

Stay tuned.......

Nothing like molesting strange men

Today being President's Day I was off for the holiday. And since I have been promising to take my daughter in to NYC to the American Girl Doll store, today was the day. We caught the train in around mid morning and walked the 18 blocks up to the store. It was a nice walk, despite my being sick as a dog. After that store it was off to the Nintendo store so my son could spend some of his money. That was followed by a nice lunch at Planet Hollywood in Times Square. We enjoyed a nice lunch before heading back to catch the train home.

Since it was about another 12 blocks back I hit the mens room before we left the restaurant. Upon exiting the restroom I saw my daughter standing and looking at a picture on the wall. As I walked by her I put my hand out to tickle her waist and tell her "Come on, let's go" I guess I should have looked closer as I walked by because I missed her and instead grabbed a middle aged hispanic man. To make matters worse he was a bit taller than my daughter so what I ended up grabbing was this man's left butt cheek. Needless to say he was a bit shocked. I certainly was too. I think he was in too much shock to even say anything. I gave him a quick apology and made a bee-line for the door.

Needless to say, my wife has been hysterical laughing all day since. I doubt I will be living this one down anytime soon!

37 Years later I have found closure

After 37 years I finally got to say goodbye. If you have followed my blog for awhile, you know that I lost a friend when I was younger. I was 11. Bobby was 10. He was hit and killed by a truck on Feb. 5, 1975. I never got to say goodbye. I was shielded by my parents. They meant well but, it created problems for me in the years since. I finally found his sister through Facebook about a year ago and she gave me the info I needed.

Today I made the 90 minute trip to the cemetery where Bobby was laid to rest. I went alone to seek out the peace I have longed for all these years. Despite the cold I sat there for almost 2 hours talking to my friend. Filling him in on my life. Telling him how much I regret that he missed out on so much. I really had expected this to be a day filled with tears but, it has not been. I did get really choked up a few times and I was ready to let go but the tears just never came. I left there with a sense of peace. A sense of happiness.

Time will tell if this changes my life at all but, for now I finally got to say good bye to my friend. I know I will go back. Next time Bobby's sister will meet me there. I love and miss you greatly my friend........

Last Sunday, my mom ended up in the hospital. She was having major headaches and nausea. My first thought was the flu. At 71 years old it is obviously something to be worried about. The thing is mom has had a flu shot and she has neurological issues to begin with. She has dementia. The doctors ran a series of tests that came back normal. Including a cat scan. Yet they decided to keep her overnight so they could at least treat the symptoms. Since the hospital was over crowded she was stuck in the emergency room. Not exactly the best place to rest. By Tuesday we thought for sure she would be home. Instead they finally moved her into a regular room All this time they still have no idea why she had the headaches. They finally released her early Wednesday. We figured this was good news.

Thursday night I got home from work exhausted. My back and legs hurt. I decided I was going to relax in a nice hot bath. I had just settled in. The water was warm and I just started to play Fruit ninja on my phone. I heard a knock on the door but figured my son was downstairs so he could get it. Suddenly I heard my father's frantic voice saying he needed a phone to call for an ambulance. That seemed odd to me since my parents live about 5 miles east of me. They do have a phone at the house and they both have cell phones. I climbed out of the tub, got dressed and went outside to see what was up. My mom was in the truck shaking and crying about the pains in her head. Apparently they were not happy with the hospital so they drove to my house so the ambulance would take them to the other hospital. I drove dad over in his truck. They again did tests on mom, treated her and released her. Still finding nothing.

Well, this morning yet again she went back to the hospital. Same thing. Treat and release. this time my sister took a family friend that is a nurse with them to ask questions. I am still waiting to hear what happened there. I could call and ask my mom I suppose but with the dementia she never remembers the answers anyway. I sure hope they figure this out soon.

Lost in Translation

Every once in awhile you come across things that leave you wondering. Take the following store front in Japan. With so many English speaking people in Japan, I guess they wanted to make their point? The only thing I can think of is they tried to use a Google Translator!

 (Yes this is real. lmao!)

My dad is a dildo? Huh?

Yesterday was Christmas. As is typical for the day we got up early, opened the gifts under the tree, leaving the stocking stuffers for the evening, then got everyone moving and dressed. My parents have been doing breakfast at their house every Christmas since I was about 3. Since my wife's family does family dinner it is never a conflict for us to head out to one family in the morning and the other half in the late afternoon.

Over the years the family has grown. While my grandparents have passed away and that lessens the family at the table by three (my dad's mom died in 1975), there are now 7 grandkids that were not part of the picture before. Factor in that the house my parents moved into several years ago has a smaller dining room and you will appreciate how tight the table gets with 15 people. Somehow we always manage and we always have fun. We all sit around enjoying a nice breakfast and sharing some laughs. The kids tend to be loud which gets my mom a bit on edge but since 3 of them are mine, I am used to a bit of a constant din. Add in the fact it is Christmas and I challenge you to find me a kid that can sit still and not be excited.

Despite the nerves jumping away, my mom actually enjoys the kids joking with her and playfully teasing her. It was something I used to do with her mom. Even though my grandfather would get annoyed at me I kept right on doing it. He would insist I was being disrespectful. Of course my grandmother would just laugh and tell him, "Shut up Fred." So, just as her mother enjoyed the playfulness, so does my mom.

My mom hates her middle name. It is Hilda. She does not like people saying it. She does not like people even knowing it. (Don't tell her I told it to you). The grandkids all think it is funny to tease her about it though. She laughs along for the first 30 seconds and then tells them that is enough. My sister's son just does not know when to give up though. That is a whole other story. At the breakfast table he started in again with  "Grandma Hilda." This got my brother's son started. They kept going back and forth. Now anyone with kids knows that they like to find names that rhyme. Joey, my brother's son, decided to also include my father in their teasing. I am sure you are sitting there trying to find a rhyme for "Hilda" and probably having no luck. Neither did Joey. But, as kids will do, he used something he thought was close. And that is when it happened. Over the voices of everyone he blurts out, "Grandma Hilda and Grandpa Dildo!",,,,,,I will give you a minute to stop giggling. Needless to say, we all just stopped for a split second and then all started laughing hysterically. Of course Joey thinks we are all laughing with him so he says it again...and again...and again. Finally we had to tell him that it was not appropriate. He has no clue what he was actually saying and started to get upset thinking he may be in trouble. I looked at my brother and said, "He is your kid. I am not telling him what a dildo is."

I don't know if his parents ever explained to him why being called a dildo may not be the best thing. All I do know is this will be a story that probably gets repeated at our Christmas breakfasts for years to come.

53

I am not a psychic. Outside of watching my kids do things that I know will not turn out how they envision, I have no way of predicting the future. However, several months ago a number popped into my head when I woke up one morning. That number is 53. I don't know why and I don't know where it came from. I just know that it scares the hell out of me. On their own, the numbers 5 and 3 are not intimidating. I am pretty sure that Sesame Street has an episode that was "Brought to you by the number 5 and the number 3!" Yet put them together and they have become a dark shadow lurking over me. Let me explain why.

As much as I don't want to admit it, I am 48 years old. The big "Five - Oh" is only about 18 months away. It is not an age I am looking forward to having to say. I rebelled at turning 40 or at least that is what I have been told. I am sure people will tell me, "Oh it is only a number." They are right. It is only a number. However, it is not the 50 I am worried about. It is that 53. From somewhere deep inside I have this nagging feeling that 53 will be the age of my death.

I know it is an irrational fear. I am not aware of any relatives that passed at that age. My mom's dad did pass at an early age but, he was career military and since he left his family long ago, we don't really know what he died from. Perhaps it is my health issues? I do have high blood pressure and I am a diabetic. But, I see the doctor every 3 months and both have been fairly well under control thanks to medication. All I know is I really am worried that I am not going to be around in 5 years. I sure hope I am wrong on this one. I have way too many things I am looking forward to yet.

At the turning point....

My blogging has gotten very rare. It is not because I don't want to write but, it is because I wanted this to be a happy place. Sadly my life is at a point where the stresses have consumed me and anything I put here is going to be negative. On the other hand, short of going back to therapy, this may be the best place for me to air out things. I find by writing about them I am able to let a lot of it go. Venting always helps. If my readers choose to head elsewhere it is fine. It may still help me to sort out my head........

Amen!!

I love my job!

I know it may sound like I am drunk, but I actually love my job. Especially in the fall because I get to travel for conferences. This year's state conference is in Niagra Falls, NY. It is the third time I have been here but, the Falls never cease to impress me. It really is a beautiful sight to see. Next month I am off to Pheonix, AZ. I am looking forward to that trip too. I have never been there.

Here are a few pictures from today:

Music 4 My Monday - You know who you are.

In Memory of a Dear Friend

A number of years ago I made friends with someone that lived in PA. She was a divorced mother of 4 who had a really big heart. Always there to listen when needed. She never judged and genuinely cared about people. There came a point in my life where I was very much alone. It seemed doors were being closed on me left and right. One day she suggested that I listen to a little known song by Matchbox 20. I listened and fell in love with the song. I would play it over and over and sing along with it. It was not until about 5 minutes ago that I realized I had been taking the song wrong. My friend was not just trying to say she understood the feeling of being a "Hand Me Down" but, she was telling me I could lay all my troubles down and she would help.

Sadly I can't reach out to her and tell her I appreciate her offer. She passed away in her sleep last July at the age of 53. Since we had discussed life after death many times, I am sure she is watching over me when I need that extra guidance. So tonight this song is in memory of my friend Sue Dejamenic. I know God has welcomed you into the light with open arms.

Life Lesson for the Day

Recital 2011

Saturday night was this year's dance recital. My daughter did 4 numbers plus the opening. How she remembers all those moves is beyond me. This year I was part of the stage crew so I had an awesome view. I love watching her dance. She always has the biggest smile!

As I did last year, I also had some stage time. I did a tap routine that I really had a great time learning. We danced to a Frank Sinatra tune. I was a bit worried about this one since my partner tended to miss a lot of practice time. In fact at the dress rehearsal the night before, she stopped to look at the feet of the other couple. Not a good sign. Especially since as we stood in the wings waiting to go on, she was asking me questions about steps. She had me so confused by the time we went out. I tried explaining that it was not the time to start asking since I was trying to listen for my directions about curtains and other stage direction in my headset. I spent over an hour Saturday at home going over the dance alone just to refresh my memory. When we finally went on for the show I was pretty confident. Amazingly we hit every single step.

The second dance I was in was a goof number. It was me, my brother and my son doing this one. We did a hip hop dance to the Village People song "Macho Man" The first part of the song involved us strutting across the stage in very over sized clothes and fully padded. When we got to the other side we had to rip off the fat clothes and head back out in workout pants and a muscle shirt. Timing on this was critical since we had to hit a certain mark to go right into the dance. During dress rehearsal my son forgot to rip the velcro on his pants. He ended up stuck and struggling like a seal caught in a fish net. We totally blew the mark. So Saturday we spent a lot of time practicing quick strips. As we waited our turn on stage at the show we were all really nervous about making sure we timed it perfect. I am happy to say that we nailed that too! People laughed and we had fun.

If I can figure out how to rip video off Facebook I will share here. In the meantime, I plan to continue tapping through the next year. I have also requested a dance where I can actually dance with my daughter before she becomes a teenager and wants nothing to do with me!